Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
