I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
