is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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