I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
