i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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