So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i came on her dog
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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