I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
