I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
