Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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