it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
