How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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