I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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