um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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