all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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