well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I love you.
Bad choice
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
