Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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