how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
