She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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