I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
