Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
