I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
