You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
