fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
