DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
