why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
