I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
we should paint friendship bongs
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