Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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