he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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