So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
