I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
