Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
