8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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