I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
