We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
