Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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