Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
