sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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