ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
