so explain again why im purple
no
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
