is your mom at the bar?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
