booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
