Swine flu. Run for my life!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
