My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
