I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
