ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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