some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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