Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
