she was so not down for the gang bang
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
