I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I party with great urgency now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
