having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
