her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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