I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
