Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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